The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Never underestimate the power of titties
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