you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
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