I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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