overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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