sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize