my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
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Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
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Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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