I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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