I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize