life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize