While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
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There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
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Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize