Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
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