I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize