Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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