if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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