I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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