It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
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you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
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He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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