If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
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He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
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Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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