What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
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Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
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Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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