Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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