very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize