My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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