so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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