I'm sorry my penis didn't work
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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