I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
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We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
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I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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