He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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