Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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