I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
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I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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