I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize