so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
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