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Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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