Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize