Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
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we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
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Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
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