I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
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I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
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My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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