When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize