i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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