You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize