So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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