And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
please come you make the beer taste better
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize