So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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