Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize