HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
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I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
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While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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