it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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