turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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