Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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