I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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