U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
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He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
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she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
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