i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
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My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
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It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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