she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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