It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
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Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
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You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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