Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
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she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
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We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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