you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
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He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
A bitchslap is in order.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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